


Lost and Found

by Fogfire



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 11:22:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16448993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fogfire/pseuds/Fogfire
Summary: Prompt: “I regret a lot of things. Having this conversation tops the list.Warning: A bit of angstThe Actress name is Shohreh Aghdashloo, I took the liberty of using her first name for the Commodore as it is not known.I also took the liberty of choosing my own picture for the little boy. I imagine him to look like Dev Patel but as he let his hair grew out recently the pictures I found of him younger have still shorter hair. But I guess you can all imagine how he looks like^^





	Lost and Found

“You know you will eventually have to talk to me.” He has cocked his hip to the side, an annoying display of his calmness.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t try and avoid it as long as possible.”

“Don’t be like that, Shohreh-”

“The marriage was your idea,” she cuts him off, “I wanted to wait.  **You** wanted to get married right away because it would look good on the papers. Now we’re on the waitlist for an adoption, every day getting us closer to the one thing we always wanted and you decide it’s the right time to go on a three year mission into uncharted space?”

“So you’re talking to me now?” He asks and Shohreh bristles, turning away from him again to pack her things.

“You know I can’t turn down this offer,” he tells her back, “Three years over there, uncharted space, that’s adventure in it’s purest form. I might make it to the position of a Captain in this time. As soon as the papers go through, I’ll put in my relief and come back, if you want it, I mean, but I can’t turn this offer down.”

“This isn’t about offers or not. I made it to commanding officer with hard work, not with jumping at every adventure life offers. This is about you trying to fit as much into the short time you think you have left before it gets serious.”

He shrugs and she hates him so much for that, even more because she can’t stop loving him either.

“I don’t want to look back at my youth and regret not taking the chances that I had. Don’t you-”

“I regret a lot of things. Having this conversation tops the list.”

“Don’t be like that-”

“No, don’t you be like that. If you want to leave, leave now. I won’t be holding you back anymore.”

She takes her bag and walks out on him.

Thirteen years later there are still moments where it feels as if that conversation had only happened yesterday. And if she doesn’t remember it consciously, it will slip into her dreams and make her question what is dream and what is reality as soon as she wakes up.

Commodore Shohreh Paris silences her alarm and slips out of bed and into her uniform. Her morning routine is exactly that: a routine. Doing the same thing in the same order everyday helps to keep her grounded in a place where gravity is as artificial as the floor under her feet.

She knocks on the door of the other bedroom while moving towards the kitchen to make breakfast.

The door opens a crack, revealing a dark mop of hair and an equally dark set of eyes.

“Butter on toast,” a young voice croaks, “Please?”

“Of course,” she tells her son. Their son. “Get ready, I’ll walk you to school.”

Five minutes later he sits at the table with her, his hair still as unkempt as ever, but his eyes look less tired now.

“How long were you up last night?” She asks, humoring him.

“I don’t know. I feel asleep reading,” he admits, knowing full well that she won’t be mad at him as long as he tries to be sensible about it.

“Good book?”

He stops to lick the melted butter of his fingers. “It’s a dissertation. Do you know the author? His name is Christopher Pike, I think I’ll make a presentation about him.”

Shohreh blinks in wonder.

“Pike? I’ve met him a few times. He died about three years ago. What was his dissertation about anyway?”

“The USS Kelvin and the acting Captain, George Kirk, who saved 800 lives.”

“Oh,” she nods, “I know that story. You know, if you want to do a representation about it, I could help you. Captain James T. Kirk will arrive today and stay a few days. I could ask him if he’d let you interview him. He is George Kirk’s son and was a good friend of Pike.”

“That would be awesome, Mom!” His eyes light up, “George Kirk is so cool! Do you think Captain James will like me? I mean, we’re kinda alike, you know?”

He pushes out his chest to appear bigger, a thing he’s started to do whenever he feels proud about something he’s learned. It reminds her of the father he’s never got to met and it hurts and delights her at the same time.

“You are?”

“Yes. Both our dad’s died as heroes. That does count for something, right?”

Shohreh laughs despite the sadness creeping up her neck.

“I believe so. I’ll talk to him and see what I can do, alright? And now get ready or we will be too late for school. And comm me as soon as you’re finished, I don’t want you loitering around alone.”

“Mom! I’m thirteen, I know how to behave.”

She laughs at that. “I know you do but as a mother I’m allowed to feel worried all the same.”

_“There’s no relative direction in the vastness of space. There’s only yourself, your ship, your crew. It’s easier than you think to get lost.”_

Shohreh looks at the retreating Captain, thinking of what she’s just told him. He’s still so young, just like someone else had been, someone she didn’t like thinking about.

But looking into the Captain’s eyes and seeing the feelings swirling inside the stunning blue made her remember everything.

How they had parted. How she had received messages from him, telling her that despite his yearning for adventure, he still loved her, made sure she always knew where he was, what he was doing and where he was going.

And then nothing.

She had reported immediately, telling everyone who mattered that this was unusual behaviour. It took them three days to believe her, three days wasted in the search for a starship that never turned up again.

Three weeks after the disappearance the adoption papers had been approved and she had had to turn from a mourning widow into a loving mother.

And how far she had gotten. Commodore of the Yorktown base, mother of a boy so smart and kind, a never ending source of happiness in her life.

But the man who’s last name she was still carrying missed out on all of this, because his yearning for more and more adventure got lost in the vastness of space.

There was only so much she could do about it.

Be brave. Move forward. Raise their son the best she could.

And help the young Captain Kirk not to make the same mistake.


End file.
